Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes

Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes

ComedyTrue CrimeSociety & Culture

Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? was a question shared by brides Helen McLaughlin and Karen Whitehouse after they tied the knot on 11 August, 2018 on a boat in Amsterdam. It was a question that launched a podcast, which led to the hiring of unqualified detective Lauren Kilby, the purchase of a €99 lie detector, and the bothering of some of the world’s best forensic experts - all in an attempt to find out “poo dunnit”. For season 2, the investigative trio take on a brand new mystery set in Sweden (Scandi Noir if you will) called The Case Of The Tiny Suit/Case. For season 3, the unqualified detectives attempt to solve real non-crime crimes and ridiculous mysteries submitted by YOU - our precious listeners. Their selection criteria for new cases is simple: “Anything the police laugh at is a case for us.” And because ‘time is money’, all cases need to be cracked within 24 hours. Hosted on Acast.

Episodes

Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes

Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes

ComedyTrue CrimeSociety & Culture

Episodes

S3 E20 Boob Bandit - Part One

In 2022, six elite survivalists were clinging to life in the Peruvian Amazon after 39 days of extreme survival. Starving and desperate, one of them shot down a huge turkey-like bird. They put it in a pot to simmer through the night, and fell asleep dreaming of the meal that would carry them to the finish line. But by morning, their shelter had transformed from a place of trust and family… into a crime scene. The pot, once filled with hope, was now missing one and a half breasts. The jungle might keep your secrets. But we don’t. We’re coming for you Boob Bandit… The finale of Boob Bandit is out on 26th March.

50min•Mar 12, 2026

S3 E19 Doggy Bag - Part Five

It all ends today*. It's time to chase down the last two remaining leads in our frantic mission to get justice for João; Ana from the Slovenian chain, and Joanna from the Dutch chain. Will they lead us to the source of the lie or to to João's parents? A shocking confession from a superspreader reveals how his fake story reached millions. And to close the case, we launch a social experiment designed to rewrite the future of this legend. We didn't think it would end like this but here we are... The next case opens on 12th March. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler *for now. Hosted on Acast.

1h 1min•Feb 26, 2026

S3 E18 Doggy Bag - Part Four

After asking listeners to submit their own versions of this story, we start building a global timeline. One that tracks how this story mutated and spread across borders and decades. Then we find it. A newspaper article from 1904. Suddenly João is the least of our problems. And just as we're ready to give up (again)… a key witness steps forward. The finale of Doggy Bag is out on 26th Feb.

41min•Feb 12, 2026

S3 E17 Doggy Bag - Part Three

The long awaited investigation returns in our attempt to finally find Justice for João. At the end of Doggy Bag Part 2, we put out a call to listeners across the world asking for any leads connected to this story. What came back was nothing short of shocking. This is the episode where myth meets evidence. Where coincidence becomes pattern. And where we start to believe this story could actually... be true. Doggy Bag Part 4 is out on 12th February.

44min•Jan 29, 2026

S3 E16 Phantom Cleaner - Part Two

Contact is finally made with the sole witness to this crime - a small leopard gecko who goes by the name Persephone. And against all odds, she leads us directly to our prime suspect. The only person who fits this crime perfectly, with both motive and intent. But when the suspect is finally confronted, a confusing confession sends us spiralling. Reality starts to wobble. And we are left asking ourselves some very serious questions including but not limited to: have we been out-detectived by a gecko? Doggy Bag Part 3 is out on 29th January.

35min•Jan 15, 2026

S3 E15 Phantom Cleaner - Part One

What kind of criminal breaks into your home… and cleans it? When a man from Massachusetts leaves the house with his son, he returns to a scene of domestic disturbance. Floors scrubbed. Surfaces polished. Toys in his son’s room neatly rearranged, and intricate toilet paper roses left in the bathrooms. Nothing stolen. Nothing damaged. Just a mysteriously cleaned house, with no explanation why. At first, this appears to be a hopeless case with no leads, no motive and zero suspects. But things take a sharp turn when an unlikely witness emerges. There's only one tiny problem... this witness isn’t human. Undeterred, we attempt to make contact with the creature, embarking on a journey that is as bizarre as it is revealing. And if you thought we’d hit peak unhinged already… you have no idea what’s coming. Part Two drops 15th Jan. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

40min•Dec 31, 2025

S3 E14 Pleasurable Percentages - BONUS

How good are we at solving crimes… statistically speaking? After several months of operating the Unqualified Detective Agency, we finally attempt to answer the question no one asked but everyone fears: what is our actual crime-solving success rate? A supposedly simple calculation quickly descends into bickering, selective memory, creative accounting, and a spirited debate over what should and definitely should not count as “solved”. To restore order, we bring in a professional statistician to crunch the numbers properly. The result is a percentage so alarming it raises serious questions about competence, confidence, and whether maths should ever be trusted. If you’ve ever wondered how not to measure success, this bonus episode is for you. The next case opens on January 1st. Hosted on Acast.

23min•Dec 18, 2025

S3 E13 Santa Snatcher

On 14th December 2019, a child-sized decorative Santa vanished from The Strawberry Hall pub in Dublin. But this wasn’t your average festive felony. Within 24 hours, photos of the kidnapped Santa began appearing on a dedicated Instagram account, mocking the pub, and taunting Ireland. And then came the twist no one was prepared for. Santa wasn’t just stolen… he was being held for ransom. For €5,000, to be precise. As the investigation deepens, the plot thickens with every clue. Was this the work of opportunistic thieves? A carefully orchestrated prank? Or most disturbingly - was this an inside job? It’s beginning to look a lot like… evidence. The next case opens on 1st Jan.

46min•Dec 18, 2025

S3 E12 Rural Rectal Rampage - Part Four

In the tense finale of Rural Rectal Rampage, we finally meet the shadowy figure pulling the strings behind the entire scandal. What begins as a simple confrontation unravels into something far more complex… an unexpected motive that forces everyone to rethink everything they thought they knew about the crime… and about themselves. As we piece together the true intent behind the Rampage, we arrive at a dangerous crossroads: is our duty simply to solve crimes…or has this investigation pushed us toward actually committing one? The next case opens on December 18th. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

30min•Dec 4, 2025

S3 E11 Rural Rectal Rampage - Part Three

A prime suspect suddenly blocks Karen from all form of communication, disappearing without a trace. Meanwhile, a reckless pyramid scheme involving teenagers spirals wildly out of control, taking the case to fresh levels of unprofessionalism. Desperate for answers, Karen takes stalking to bold new heights, while Lauren conducts a final high pressure interrogation that could make or break the entire investigation. Who truly set the Rural Rectal Rampage in motion, and what twisted mind wakes up one day and chooses this life? Part 4 (the finale) is out now. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

34min•Dec 4, 2025

S3 E10 Rural Rectal Rampage - Part Two

The investigation reaches new levels of desperation. We find ourselves loitering outside a school, attempting to brief two teenagers on an undercover mission. We consult a nurse about the medical implications of anal insertions. And out of nowhere, a mysterious stranger appears with divine intervention. But nothing prepares us for the final question....is this scandal confined to Chipping Norton…or is it far bigger than we ever imagined? Part three AND four drop December 4th. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

41min•Nov 20, 2025

S3 E9 Rural Rectal Rampage - Part One

The quiet streets of Chipping Norton are no longer at peace. A phantom prankster - or perhaps an organised ring of pranksters - is targeting local stores and tagging innocent household items with stickers that say “for rectal use only.” As the town’s elderly residents grow increasingly distraught, the pressure mounts on Detective LK and KW to put an end to the chaos. Part Two drops November 20th. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

37min•Nov 6, 2025

S3 E8 Doggy Bag - Part Two

Just as Detective LK and KW thought they were closing in on the truth, one shocking revelation blows the whole case wide open. Confusion mounts, new leads emerge, and a tender goodbye is said to Joao, the four legged creature at the heart of the story. Buckle up for the ride - the mystery of this canine's demise is far from over. The next case opens on November 6th. Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

41min•Oct 22, 2025

S3 E7 Doggy Bag - Part One

Through a dark twist of fate a dead dog named Joao vanishes in the most unlikely theft imaginable. What begins as a bizarre mistake spirals into a rollercoaster of chaos, deception, and the relentless hunt for answers. Each revelation pulls us deeper into shadows where nothing is as it seems. Set against the glittering façade of Paris’s Champs-Élysées, one haunting question lingers: will justice for Joao ever be found? Part two drops October 23rd. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

46min•Oct 8, 2025

S3 E6 Who Shat In My Dishwasher?

Veronica’s Saturday morning began like any other, quiet and unremarkable. But by midday, her home had transformed from a place of comfort to a scene of unspeakable violation. The dishwasher, once a symbol of cleanliness, was now a crime scene. Who shat in Veronica's dishwasher and why? A simple yet extremely effective process of elimination proving that we are really good detectives, will uncover the shocking truth. The next case opens on October 9th. Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Hosted on Acast.

51min•Sep 24, 2025

S3 E5 Human v. Bear - Part Two

In the trial of Human v. Bear, Karen and Detective LK face the intense challenge of becoming opposing lawyers. Will the bears 'zips' be the defence's downfall? Will the muffin top theory topple the prosecution? What will the jury decide? One thing is clear. A verdict will be reached. And there is a lot at stake. A brand new case opens on September 25th. Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

45min•Sep 10, 2025

S3 E4 Human v. Bear - Part One

In 2023, photos of a sun bear at Hangzhou Zoo in Eastern China broke the internet. Why? Because the bear was waving and looked suspiciously like a bloke in a ill-fitted bear suit. But what is the truth, is this an authentic sun bear or a human in disguise? To get to the bottom of it, the unqualified detectives call in the experts: animatronic bear suit specialist Nik Williams and Dr. Wong, CEO of the Bornean Sun Bear Foundation. But the deeper they dig, the stranger it gets. Suspicions, motives, and questions are piling up. There is only one solution: temporarily hang up the detective hats, don the lawyer robes, and stage a full trial with a jury to settle the matter once and for all. Part Two drops September 11th. Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

38min•Aug 28, 2025

S3 E3 Fecal Fugitive - BONUS

What is the correct etiquette when facing a digestive dilemma at a wedding? How should the poopetrator at Andrea's wedding have acted to maintain grace and dignity after committing their fecal felony? Detective Lauren Kilby and Assistant to the Detective Karen Whitehouse interview William Hanson - the UK's leading etiquette expert and co-host of legendary podcast 'Help I Sexted My Boss' to get some answers. If you are thinking of becoming a poopetrator, this episode is for you. Tune in now to learn how to commit these crimes in style. The next new case episode will be releasing on September 11th. Follow the episode evidence on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding Sound design: @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

19min•Aug 13, 2025

S3 E2 Fecal Fugitive - Part Two

The race to unmask the poopetrator ends here. In the finale of Fecal Fugitive, Detective LK and Assistant to the Detective KW follow the final leads to flush out the truth. One suspect is released from custody. Another faces the the cold, harsh reality of the evidence against them. In the final interrogation, the motive for the crime is revealed. And a family once torn apart by a fecal disaster is reunited through closure and understanding.

48min•Aug 13, 2025

S3 E1 Fecal Fugitive - Part One

A dream wedding in the woods takes a filthy turn when a guest leaves more than just memories behind. With the cops refusing to investigate, the detectives race to unmask the poopetrator. Was it the wedding bean obsessed brother-in-law? A bridesmaid in political sweatpants? There’s only one way to find out, and it may or may not follow standard police procedure. Part two will be releasing on August 14th. Follow @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design: @juanthummler Hosted on Acast.

35min•Jul 30, 2025

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